The Craziest Laws Olympics – State-by-State Crazy Law Breakdown

The Constitution allows for states to govern themselves on matters not listed within the Constitution and boy are some of them are just plain nuts.  We have compiled a list of the strangest, dumbest or just plain crazy laws for each state.  The laws were then awarded gold, silver or bronze based on their level of crazy and we added some commentary on each.  So now, we are proud to present the craziest laws by state!

Alabama

Gold:
Incestuous marriages are legal. Really.
Hear that Cleetus! Our incestuous love can now blossom legally. I can’t wait to home-school twelve beautiful children!

Silver:
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
The sad part about this law is that someone provoked the state to actually make this a law.

Bronze:
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street for fear of spooking horses.
Finally, a law protecting horses from being spooked.

Alaska

Gold:
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Looks like that Eskimo family near the Gates of the Arctic are going to have to find a new way to celebrate 4th of July.

Silver:
Persons may not live in a trailer as it is being hauled across the city.
I’m sorry folks, but you’re going to have to wait until your house comes to a complete stop before microwaving dinner.

Bronze:
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
First you can’t toss moose out of an airplane, now you can’t even look at them? If you do happen to spot a moose from an airplane, you must call Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones to have them erase your memory circa 1997.

Arizona

Gold:
A class 2 misdemeanor occurs if one places a mark upon a flag which is likely to provoke physical retaliation.
Whatever the origins of this law may be, I’m sure it had to do with swastikas or NASCAR.

Silver:
A misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
Remember that time you sold me pot on Halloween dressed as Darth Maul from Star Wars and got arrested?

Bronze:
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Saguaro National Park has some bad ass cacti. So bad ass in fact, that cutting one down will land you behind bars.

Arkansas

Gold:
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs
Can’t make moonshine, can’t raise alligators, what CAN you do in an Arkansas bathtub?!

Silver:
A man can legally beat his wife but not more than once a month.
Hey honey, we’re on the same cycle!

Bronze:
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock
Whoa whoa river, you know the law, now recede slowly.

California

Gold:
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Does this include whale sharks, or the woman last week at the water park?

Silver:
Bathhouses are against the law.
Just keep walking west and you’ll eventually find a place to shower, pee, and shoot whales.

Bronze:
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Even on the rare cloudy day in California, the sun is still back there somewhere. Couldn’t the same be promised, then, to Maine or Washington?

Colorado

Gold:
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
But I ride better when I’m drunk!ut I ride better when I’m drunk!

Silver:
Car Dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
With the exception of Jesus Christler dealers.

Bronze:
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days.
If you wanna be drunk on election day, you need to buy beer ahead of time.

Connecticut

Gold:
Town records may not be kept where liquor is sold
That makes for some boring town hall meetings.

Silver:
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour
If you’re riding on the pegs, you’re considered an accomplice…and suicidal.

Bronze:
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades
You must instead store them all in a very creepy place.

Delaware

Gold:
It is illegal to get married on a dare.
What about a double dog dare?

Silver:
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Seems like the “drink” portion of this requirement is unnecessary.

Bronze:
You may not sell dead people for money without a license.
Where abouts would one go to get that “OK To Sell Dead People”license?

Florida

Gold:
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
An increase in the admittance of professional bus boys into federal prison has caused Florida lawmakers to take a second look at this law.

Silver:
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
Florida, you take your horses way too serious. You’re like that girl in 8th grade English class who managed to skew every journal entry into something about horses. Or worse Florida, you’re into equestrian.

Bronze:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner
How can something feel so good, and be so wrong?

Georgia

Gold:
All sex toys are banned.
Along with fun, smiling, and Christmas.

Silver:
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
Those that do face “stiff” penalties and “grave” consequences.

Bronze:
While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
Maybe they mean lottery like the book The Lottery? Or maybe they’re just hypocrites.

Hawaii

Gold:
It is illegal to sink the island.
What does this even look like?

Silver:
Twins must not work for the same company
They might switch back and forth during a date with the guy from math class and shenanigans will ensue (see sister sister episode 14 season 2.)

Bronze:
Billboards are outlawed
Hawaii, you’re missing out on some priceless mugs of meth.

Idaho

Gold:
A boy may only court a girl after obtaining written permission from her father.
Now forgery is considered foreplay in Idaho.

Silver:
Bicycles must not be taken onto a tennis court.
Unicycles are cool though.

Bronze:
You may not fish on a camel’s back.
Idaho: stop being weird. Everywhere else in the country you can fish on a camel’s back.

Illinois

Gold:
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation.
Read it one more time; and no, it doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Silver:
A state law mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
So if a bachelor has also obtained a PHD, that’s Dr. Master to you miss.

Bronze:
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
Make sure you write down your blatant disobedience toward this law on your next job application.

Indiana

Gold :
A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
Officer, it’s for a magic trick, honest!

Silver:
Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God,Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined on to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
If you’re under 14 though, you can up and down the bible till you’re tongue is tired so get it out of you in your glory days.

Bronze:
Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
Indiana has hotels?

Iowa

Gold:
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
Come on Iowa, they should at least receive 50 percent normal compensation.

Silver:
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
More difficult than kissing someone for five minutes without a break: carry around a stopwatch and see if you can make a citizen’s arrest for violation of this law without looking creepy.

Bronze:
Tanning bed facilities must warn of the rise of getting a sunburn.
Yup, sunburn, that’s all you need to worry about when roasting your body under florescent light bulbs.

Kansas

Gold:
No one may catch fish with his bare hands.
Unless your name is Chuck Norris or Bear Grylls.

Silver:
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
After all that time you wasted on training!

Bronze:
Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
Even after this law passed, the inventor of the human tail light has yet to make any sales.

Kentucky

Gold:
It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
Can’t fish with bow and arrow?! What’s next, the government is gonna tell us when we have to shower?!

Silver:
A person must take a bath once a year
Does attending a water park count as a shower?

Bronze:
It is illegal for a merchant to force a person into his place of business for the purpose of making a sale.
Book sales of “Aggressive Marketing” plummeted this week.

Louisiana

Gold:
One could possibly land in jail for 20 years upon urinating in the city’s water supply
Don’t even ask what happens if it is #2

Silver:
Spectators at a boxing match may not mock one of the contestants.
Boxers have feelings too, and some have large heads, and hit like girls.

Bronze:
Fake wrestling matches are prohibited
Uh-oh, time to find another hobby…what about going down to the local water supply and taking a leak?

Maine

Gold:
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
Just in case…

Silver:
Main licenses condom sellers and the license must always be on public display.
Check it out, kids (because your parents didn’t.)

Bronze:
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
You can still keep the nativity scene in your living room though.

Maryland

Gold:
In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
Sorry Siegfried, looks like you and Montecore will have to redbox this one.

Silver:
You cannot sell condoms from a vending machine … unless alcoholic beverages are served at the location.
Just another reason for restaurants to get a liquor license.

Bronze:
Men may not buy alcoholic drinks for female bartenders.
Hope you like Shirley Temples ladies!

Massachusetts

Gold:
It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.
But Dr. my buddy’s B.A.C. is plummeting – do something!

Silver:
Shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings.
What about Snooki targets? Would that pass as non-human enough?

Bronze:
Candy may not contain more than 1% alcohol.
Are peppermint patty shots still cool?

Michigan

Gold :
A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
Rapunzel has gotta find herself a man.

Silver:
Persons may not be drunk on trains.
It takes one really drunk dude on a train in Michigan to ruin it for everyone else.

Bronze:
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife.
Keep it quiet guys, Mission Impossible style.

Minnesota

Gold:
It is illegal to sleep naked
At least you can ride a motorcycle with your shirt off.

Silver:
All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
Fine, I’ll put a shirt on, but then I’m parking my motorcycle and going to stand around that building for no good reason.

Bronze:
It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there.
At least there are 10,000 lakes to stand around.

Mississippi

Gold:
It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.
To find out, you have to read the book of Mormon!

Silver:
A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will may her.
Yes, okay, I will marry you! (3:14AM, Saturday).

Bronze:
If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month.
Officer, my kids are legit, promise.

Missouri

Gold:
It is against the law to smoke a pipe through your ear.
This is what happens when you play the telephone game with Monica Lewinski Stories.

Silver:
Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820.)
One dollar?! But that’s one whole Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger a year!

Bronze:
Eating Clam Chowder is illegal on a Sunday between 11:50 and 12:48.
Illegal Clam chowder joints, open one day a week, are sprouting up everywhere.

Montana

Gold :
It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.

What if the sheep has a permission slip?

Silver:
One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor.
But I just wanted to show him what it WOULD look like IF I were to abuse this animal.

Bronze:
Prostitution is considered a crime against the family.
Won’t my daddy be so proud of me, I’m bringing home a crime against the fam-i-ly.

Nebraska

Gold:
It is illegal to go whale fishing.
Thank goodness Nebraska is finally cracking down on whale fishing.

Silver:
If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
Hate your neighbors, slip their kid some root beer on your way down the isle.

Bronze:
It is illegal to fly a plane while drunk.
Slow down Nebraska, what are people supposed to do on weekends now?

Nevada

Gold:
Saloonkeepers had to post the names of habitual drunkards if so requested by the local sheriff or members of the imbibers’ immediate families.
If you’re living in Nevada and thinking: oh crap…grab a sharpie, do what you gotta do, and then head to your local AA meeting.

Silver:
Sex without a condom is illegal.
Illegal, is that Nevada slang for a really wild experience?

Bronze:
It’s “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
Guess people in Nevada really love their dogs.

New Hampshire

Gold:
Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
And if you disobey this law, you become the guy who has to gather the device that gathers the cattle’s feces.

Silver:
You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or café.
What happened to live free or die, New Hampshire?

Bronze:
You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
Good thing I don’t have any clothes, I spend all my money gambling.

New Jersey

Gold:
Spray paint may not be sold without a posted sign warning juveniles of the penalty for creating graffiti.
I wasn’t going to use the spray-paint for graffiti, officer. I’m strictly a huffer.

Silver:
It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
I was just about to commit murder when I realized I was breaking the law: I had on a bullet proof vest. So I quickly took it off to make sure I was abiding.

Bronze:
One must yield a phone line to a person if it is an emergency.
You’re bleeding from where? Oh right there, ummm, yeah hold on one second I just need to write down this recipe for pumpkin pie. Uh huh, 1 tablespoon.

New Mexico

Gold:
Idiots may not vote.
Sorry candidates.

Silver:
State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.
There goes any chance of 9th graders caring about William Shakespeare.

Bronze:
Driving your ATV in Mountain View Cemetery is prohibited.
This law was passed thanks to three riders who lost their lives doing this very thing…they are now buried at Mountain View Cemetery.

New York

Gold:
Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business
So does that mean I have to toss my business plan for an outdoor strip club?

Silver:
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.
Your dad must work at Juicy Juice, cause you’re very fine! Worth every penny.

Bronze:
It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.”
That includes those “free hugs” t-shirts.

North Carolina

Gold:
No one may be a professional fortune-teller, and if one wishes to pursue the practice as an amateur, it must be practiced in a school or church.
Does this also include witch-craft, Satanism, and animal sacrificing?

Silver:
While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.
FBI agents in North Carolina wait at Barnes and Noble. They’ve flagged all the books on new and awesome sexual positions.

Bronze:
It’s against the law to sing off key.
Find another shower hobby Carl Lewis.

North Dakota

Gold:
Fireworks only allowed during daylight hours
This makes for a spectacularly boring fireworks display.

Silver: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
Punishment consists of your friends drawing highly inappropriate body parts on your face.

Bronze: It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon.
The wagon must also contain Gold from a recent Gold rush, and you must be courting a prostitute in away from the Black Hills of South Dakota.

Ohio

Gold:
It is illegal to get a fish drunk
This would be the most red-neck violation, maybe ever.

Silver:
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker’s stand, you can be fined $25.
Danny, your BBQ is on the same day as that political rally in the park across the street. Boy is that going to suck.

Bronze:
The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
Shouldn’t have told us that.

Oklahoma

Gold:
One may not promote a horse tipping event.
After spending all that money on fliers.

Silver:
It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.
Is this a weird way of saying no mechanical bulls?

Bronze:
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
What’s weirder, this rule, or that Oklahoma has talking dogs?

Oregon

Gold:
One may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on a highway.
Looks like we gotta find a new drinking game.

Silver:
It is illegal to place a container filled with human fecal matter on the side of any highway.
Now is that interstates only or does that include byways and state highways?

Bronze:
Babies may not be carried on the running boards of cars.
The sport known as Baby Boarding became an epidemic in the late 80’s. Oregon had to crack down.

Pennsylvania

Gold:
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel.
Unless it’s something like the Playboy Mansion-then you’re cool.

Silver:
It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
I hope this was a preemptive strike against this practice…

Bronze:
A special cleaning ordinance bands housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
That’s cheating.

Rhode Island

Gold:
No one may bite off another’s leg.
Arms are fair game.

Silver:
Ropes may not be strung across a highway
What about invisible ropes?

Bronze:
Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal.
This law dates back to…that time someone rode a horse over the public highway for the purpose of testing the speed of the horse before a race.

South Carolina

Gold:
By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.
I promise baby (TIMESTAMP: 2:37AM, SATURDAY)

Silver:
Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.
Because the state is able to tell the difference between real fortune tellers and fake fortune tellers.

Bronze:
Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.
It’s not like the railroad companies are eating horse burgers; they just want to scare them a little.

South Dakota

Gold:
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
But officer, it smelled so good.

Silver:
If there are more than five Native Americans on your property you may shot them.
Bucky waited all day for the 5th Indian to show up on his property, but they never did.

Bronze:
Cop killing movies are banned.
So the 1977 movie Copkiller isn’t cool to show to the 10th grade political science class?

Tennessee

Gold:
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish
This seems way harder than a fishing pole with a barbed hook, but…rules are rules.

Silver:
Ministers are to be dedicated to god and therefore are not eligible to hold a seat in either House of the Legislature.
Because you can’t be religious and political.

Bronze:
Hollow logs may not be sold.
You sold me a hollow log, I’ll see you in court.

Texas

Gold:
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.
Colonel Sanders count?

Silver:
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
This law is directly connected to the Guiness Book of World Record’s longest train-ride ever.

Bronze:
It is illegal to sell one’s eye.
Okay…technically it’s illegal…but everyone’s doing it, you just need a note from your doctor. There’s talk about legalizing eye sales everywhere.

Utah

Gold:
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
A law we all can agree with.

Silver:
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
Way to go PETA!

Bronze:
Boxing matches that allow biting are not allowed.
(Insert Mike Tyson – Evander Holyfield joke here)

Vermont

Gold:
Delivery men must walk backward in driveways of houses worth more than $500,000.
Unless you’re delivering news that you’re a repo man…then you just sort of break through the door.

Silver:
It is illegal to deny the existence of God.
This law is based solely on the 1st ammendment…wait.

Bronze:
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
Sure thing, honey…but can we try something first?

Virginia

Gold:
There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.”
Wow.

Silver:
You may not engage in business on Sundays, with the exception of almost every industry.
No parking MW between 6PM-9AM, except on MW 6PM-9AM…parking is free.

Bronze:
If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
Risky business just got a bit more risqué.

Washington

Gold:
Destroying a beer cask or bottle of another is illegal
This was set off by the “hit the top of your friend’s bottle with the bottom of your bottle” game.

Silver:
No person may walk about in public if he or she has the common cold.
This rule was modified to include men wearing striped skinny jeans.

Bronze:
It is illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without prior consent from the utility company.
Never has buying Skittles from a vending machine felt so dangerous.

West Virginia

Gold:
When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers.
This would get annoying quick.

Silver:
It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it doesn’t exceed 40 lbs.
39 lbs is the line, folks. West Virginia, stop living up to your stereotype with laws like this.

Bronze:
Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars.
Maybe even 25 dollars, we don’t know yet. We just know that it’s at least twenty dollars. So if it’s a prostitute, it’s whatever she charges…plus twenty.

Wisconsin

Gold:
Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
This is the new strategy to educate youth on safe-sex. Make condoms impossible to find and kids will want to try them out even more.

Silver:
Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
I can’t believe it’s not butta!

Bronze:
State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese
Wisconsin doing it’s part to live up to being the Dairy State.

Wyoming

Gold:
If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year.
What else is there to do in a mine?

Silver:
It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people’s view in a public theater or place of amusement.
Sir, I wear this giant foam cowboy hat everywhere, it’s my right.

Bronze:
Using a firearm to fish is strictly forbidden.
Explosives are cool though.

Whew.  Thanks for reading and thanks for each state for participating by passing insane legislation through.  Feel free to poke around our Legal Fun category for more good times.  Cheers!



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2 Responses to The Craziest Laws Olympics – State-by-State Crazy Law Breakdown

  1. Pingback: BizSugar.com

  2. CB says:

    Incest is illegal in Alabama (See § 13A-13-3). The Alabama law cited above simply states that children born before the incestuous marriage is annulled (discovered) are not illegitimate for purposes of child support, inheritance, etc.

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